hits and counting :D

I sit & laugh with friends at what we've all been through
But I still catch my breath when someone mentions you.
We move on, put those dreams away
Hoping that we'll find them come some rainy day.
How could I know that everything would change?
Except the way I miss you.

3:42 AM yes.i shouldnt have talked abt the past. actually, i never did talk abt it here. cuz all the anony-mouses will start showing up. hmm. just couldnt help it yahs.its not nice to be blamed for screwing up somebody's impt things like o levels u know. so yes.since u think i screwed up ur future, ok. u shall say whatever u want.

\lets hope we'll never bump into each other again.

7:34 AM i shall not feel a sense of guilt anymore.and ure gonna say "come on,u dun even feel anything right from the start".like whatever u know. yes.im really angry.and im flaring up. so now im accused of "screwing ur o's"? come on! go stare at ur wall and think again! HELLO?? did i even do anything wrong? who was the fucking shit who distracted herself? yes.YOU. the person who calls herself a failure all the time. man,you were so right abt yourself. okay..and how are u gonna explain abt being a so-called failure? yes.cuz of ME right? YES.BLAME IT ON ME. its not like the first time. everything is just because of me right? oh..and yes.i left u with nothing.hello??what do u want me to leave behind with you? yes.i know all i owe u is an clear explanation. and u know what? the only wrong i did was that my feelings just faded.ya? i remember telling u that u know. what am i supposed to do when it was completely out of my control? and yea.ure gonna say tt i deluded you. u know something? i didnt lie to you. what i used to feel and say was real. maggie was like a before and after thing. ugh..i hate to talk abt her here. but yes.whatever.u know all that shit u always say on ur blog?abt me leading u on and all sorts.i couldnt get angry at that.cuz maybe i did.i cant remember anything anymore.so i thought it wld just be right to shut up and let u blabber. u know what made me say all these? well.im being accused of so-called screwing ur o levels. WOW.i hate you for this man.

oh.i think u mentioned smth abt ur friends telling u to screw my o's? i wonder what u can do. burn my books so i cant study? yes.go ahead.ure so welcomed. i hate the sight of them anyway.

3:00 AM my friend, be strong. i love you.

4:07 AM perms and combs suck.i get stuck on every question. UGH.

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amaths test tmr.wow.im so prepared. whatever. i dun feel like going to school tmr. damn it.

i need to start collecting money for my walkathon card.right now i have only one person on the list and thats mr poh.wow.thanks for the 50cents, stingy man. ill shall start askin the four-sixers before abigail beat me to it.hahas.

the weather's really good today.-love the rain. it makes me happy.

10:00 AM omg. im so dumb.-a grave mistake i did with my lit notes.


help!

8:36 AM im messed up with my own homework. really messed up. i think ive done everything halfway and so i cant rmb which shit im supposed to do first. rahh.

im currently trying to spend $10 a week. lets hope it works. im gonna bring peanut butter bread to school everyday. yes.i shall succeed in my saving plan this time.

the freakin school changed our timetables again. how retarded. ughh__
i hope for the day when school and studying are banned, and all textbooks shall be set on fire.

-The world shall forget those periods of unrest and torture caused by books.

10:22 AM a so-called long weekend is wasted.was determined to do more work but failed. not surprising eh?

my day started at 10.30am.bathed,watched a lil tv, ate and went to my bro's sch for this sunday market tingy.their carnival was really boring.yes.so nothing to elaborate.spent only an hour there eating.

the day went by really fast.reached home-5pm. sat down and drank some water-5.25 already. so yea.went to my room and did a question of amaths-6.20pm. oh wow.i spent an hour on a ques eh.

so yes.i finally realised why time goes by so fast for me, and why i do things like a loser.
tts because i stone.and the reality is,too much. especially while doing work when i have to stop to think for a while.tts when my mind drifts off to somewhere faraway. .
the process of me working:
i write the first few words..then stop,
stone.
wake up,
write next few lines, stop,
and stone.
got stuck halfway,
think.
thinking..
still thinking..
then ill start daydreaming.

this is wrong.i shall not allow such senarios to happen again. i shall be focused.

.

btw, artificial intelligence was a really sad show. couldnt help feeling sorry for david, the robot. especially when his mum wanted to leave him. he was like "mum! dun leave me!..please.. im sorry im not real. im sorry..! please.." all he wanted was for his mum to love him more, like a real boy. and so, he went searching for the bluefairy who could turn him into a real boy. but alas, bluefairy doesnt exist like how he thought.
so yea.. i feel for the robots. scientists, dun invent a machine with emotions please. its not nice to hurt them.

.

okay.i hope for a more productive day tmr.tuition in the morning at 9. -yawns-

8:23 AM st. johns ambulance brigade day.
woke up really early and on time for skool this morning to prepare for the sjab day.was waiting for abigail on a dark and lonely road for half an hour.my legs cldnt take it anymore so went to the guardhouse to call her.and yes.she was still at home. oh well.. and i really detest the security guard at my house.
him: why do u need to go to sch so early? got test arh?
me: heh no..
him: OKAY. okay. enough.

like hello?did i even say so much?and he accused me of not saying thank you.whatever.he can just beg me for it.

reached sch just ON time. was really sad cuz i actually succeeded in waking up early, thinking tt i wld be earlier than my juniors. hehs. btw,dey were alrdy changed and ready when we reached. =oh well.. i just have good juniors.(=

i realised sjab day was just a matter of standing infront of the sch in a stationery position, saluting during the national athem and..wearing the sjab uniform?
yea.nothing much.

not much lessons today. Jlo came in to talk to us again.and i think its just us-4/6. prolly cus our grades are really lousy.yes.REALLY lousy.
almost every teacher who steps into class had to drill the fact into our heads that prelims is in 2 months time. and yes.im getting worried. mind you, im one of the worst failures in class.

.

st. anthony's feast day today.and investiture too. nothing special thou.had mass and watched all the new student leaders going on stage. hmm.. tts all.

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im still mourning over the loss of my fone.but i haven lost hope yet. i know it'll come back.yes it will.

hmm..self-delusion?